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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22562962">Aristotle and Dante Create A Way to the Future</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bobertzha/pseuds/Bobertzha'>Bobertzha</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Aristotle and Dante's World [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe - Benjamin Alire Sáenz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Amnesia, M/M, Road Trips, Sexual Content, Threats of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 10:15:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,119</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22562962</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bobertzha/pseuds/Bobertzha</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens after Aristotle find out his feeling for Dante? The secret of their universe may have been found, but what's next? How are they going to face the world together? Ari may haven't thought this far, but facing the upcoming future, the peer pressure, as haunted by his past is tough, what should he do to step into the next day and hold Dante's hand tight?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aristotle Mendoza/Dante Quintana</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Aristotle and Dante's World [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1623451</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Aristotle and Dante Create A Way to the Future</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melanie/gifts">Melanie</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Life is like a bird in a cage, a beast in a fight, recreating this so-called shame of love in this hundred-turn shackle.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>How could I have ever been ashamed of loving Dante Quintana.</p><p>                                                                                          –––Aristotle Mendoza</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>One</p><p>This wasn’t a beginning, not like the big bang made the whole universe, or like God created everything. This even wasn’t the beginning of our love. I had fallen in love with Dante when the first day we met at the Memorial Park pool. But this story needs to start right here, right now, right the moment he kissed me on my mouth.</p><p>“I like you, Ari.” He looked me in the face and said.</p><p>“Like you always do.” I wasn’t showing off or joking.</p><p>Dante never hide himself away from anyone, about how he felt, what kind of person was he like, you could tell it from the way he talked and the way he acted. I always thought that being who I really was was the hardest part of being a human being. But it was the easiest thing for Dante, instead, it was really difficult, no, it was extremely hard for him not to express his feeling to others. But maybe that’s why he could break into my life ponderously. Maybe I was a boring and serious boy with a little bit violent tendency. But everything was so different after Dante’s showing up, he had changed me from the way how I see things, and all the mysteries and the confusions about myself were dispelled by his presence, he taught me how to be who I was. I was looking at his eyes affectionately, I knew from the moment the world of us had been found.</p><p>“Don’t be a jerk. You know what I mean.” He said in a serious way which made me laugh. Probably I knew.</p><p>“I think I love you, Ari.” He said. I knew he meant it, I could tell it because he didn’t laugh or grin. He was studying my eyes trying to find the answer.</p><p>All of a sudden, my words went poorly, I didn’t know what to say next. Loving Dante is more than I can take, said my father. But I knew I love Dante, I still am, every time he was by my side, I felt comfortable and relaxed. I knew it when he taught me how to swim, when he stared at me reading the poetry and forgot to sketch me, when he was on my porch and I was about to leave, said he was gonna miss me. I was ashamed for running away from Dante, from myself so long.</p><p>I knew I should say something, but on the contrary, I said nothing and kissed him, so deeply and forwardly this time, my lips leaned against his. As the final light went out from the remote, I moved my hands to his face feeling the contour of him. He had a boney chin and smooth skin, in a word, he didn’t feel like or look like Mexican. He was just him, not like anyone else in this world----he was the one of a kind to me. His hair, his shoulder, his cheek, I even mixed up his eyelids and lips. I kissed him over and over again, a few times on his nose, which made him laugh really loudly. I was laughing too. Although the world in front of us was in a dreadful darkness, there was nothing to fear anymore because we could feel each other at that time. I liked the feelings of though you can’t see him clearly, you can still recognize who he is and see him distinctly by your heart.</p><p>Dante was so close to me that I could breathe every air he breathed out, smell every inch and part of his skin. He smelt like the orange juice in the morning, like the wet air suffusing in the forest, like the daydreams under the shinning summer sun. I don’t know how to describe the way how I felt. Nothing was completely perfect in this world, but that was so perfect in the world’s imperfections. As if I had flew over infinite time and threaded billions of spaces to find the last secret reminded in this universe. And more importantly, I had already found it.</p><p>“You tasted like beer.” He said it out of his breath.</p><p>“Should I take it as a compliment?” I joked.</p><p>“No! You need to rinse your mouth.” He scoffed and laughed as if he’d never stop.</p><p>“Wow, you mean I have bad breath.”</p><p> He shrugged his shoulders.</p><p>“Okay, since you hate me so much, I’d better not to kiss you ever again.” That should be the biggest lie so far after the “I don’t feel anything.”.</p><p>“I doubt that.” He tilted his body to me and said in a soft flirting way.</p><p>I dropped my defence when he put his lips on mine so hard that I couldn't even breath. He leaned his head against my chest, our hand gently intertwined. We didn’t go for the next stage. I know what people would do, but I wasn’t sure, neither was Dante. Maybe kisses were enough for now.</p><p>Dante’s soft breathe sound kept me away from those thoughts.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Two</p><p>When I woke up in the early morning in the second day. I found both of us sleeping back into my pickup’s trunk in the desert. I saw a sparrow standing on the edge of the trunk, tilting its head to study us. I moved my body faintly to let the truck squeak. The sparrow beat its wings and flew away. The clean arid breeze from the desert whipped my face so harsh which made me feel free and small at the same time. The scalding sun hadn’t fully raised, just a beam of light spilt out of the dawn and faded away beneath the cloud. I could smell the coolness and freshness in the air, as if I was a new-born and breathed the first oxygen of this world.</p><p>I turned around and found Dante was still in my right arm sleeping and dreaming like a baby. I could tell it was a good dream from his smile. I touched his eyelashes which were tumbling like strings. I stroked his lips which were as red as flame and I couldn’t help tasting them.</p><p>“Good morning.” He said in frazzled.</p><p>“Good morning.” I whispered.</p><p>“I’m in a mess, ain’t I?” He muffled.</p><p>“No, you looked fine, I have always been the messed-up one.”</p><p>“And you kissed me?”</p><p>“And I kissed you.” I made my voice like his.</p><p>“Just like the plot in ‘Sleeping Beauty’, except we are two Mexican boys wearing T-shirts and trousers.”</p><p>That made me laugh, Dante always knew how to make me happy. I mean I wasn’t that serious or angry all the time. I was more like a martinet who didn’t really enjoy smiling. Dante was always a new thing to me that I didn’t know how to handle it. He had taught me so many things that I’d never know or experience in my life if without him.</p><p>“Don’t you think we should go now? Our parents should be worried now.”</p><p>Oh, shit. I forgot to tell my mom and dad that I would stay out of night with Dante. Obviously Dante forgot it too. Mom disliked me sneaking out without a notice. She was a gentle and tender woman, but also a strict one.</p><p>“They always worry about everything.” That was true.</p><p>“Because they are our parents?” Dante asked.</p><p>“You are right. And I’m crazy about them now.” My parents are the people who understand me most. Sometimes they just don’t know how to talk with me, especially my father who was barely talking. But they do understand me. They accepted me and Dante and told me who I really was.</p><p>“You should.” And then he gave me a slight kiss.</p><p>“I hope they enjoyed their bowling games last night.”</p><p>“I’m sure they did.”</p><p>There was nothing better than Dante standing beside me, telling me everything would be okay. Before Dante came into my life, I feared nothing and loved nothing. Maybe I loved my parents, my sisters and brother. But that wasn’t the same thing. I had never had a real friend. Every time when life came to the terrible phases I just numbed the way how I felt. Feeling nothing was the best way to get over the blues.</p><p> </p><p>When we were on our way home, there was a little drizzle falling from the sky. Dante turned on the ancient radio on my pickup. Put on some music from a band called U2. It was “With Or Without You”. He sang along with the song.</p><p>See the stone set in your eyes.</p><p>See the thorn twist in your side.</p><p>I’ll wait for you.</p><p>Sleight of hand and twist of fate.</p><p>Dante was still singing, but I wasn’t listening, I was thinking about the lyrics in that song.</p><p>Through the storm we reach the shore.</p><p>You give it all but I want more.</p><p>And I’m waiting for you.</p><p>With or without you.</p><p>It sounds like every couple struggling in love, played by the fate, I thought. And there were lyrics said:</p><p>I can’t live, with or without you.</p><p>What was that suppose to mean? With or without your lover, either way you can’t live. I knew I shouldn’t be so serious about lyrics. But the lyrics made me curious about how’s the feeling of loving a person to dead. And what’s the feeling like when your dream lover close at your fingertips but you can’t reach out and touch him? I guess the lyricist must be a melancholy person who might have a suicidal tendency. Those lyrics ran over and over again that made me think of me and Dante. Can’t live with or without someone was an exaggerated statement. Could I live without Dante? I don’t know.</p><p>I couldn’t tell if Dante was thinking about the same thing but he stopped singing. The tiny rain disappeared when the sun was back into the sky which made everything clear again. I drove very slowly because I didn’t sleep much last night and I wanted to spend more time with Dante. I didn’t know how this world would treat us, and how the people around us would see us. But those were not the things that we could decide or predict. All I could do was to protect Dante from getting hurt and kept him safe and sound.</p><p>“Ari, can I ask you something?” He broke the silence.</p><p>I nodded.</p><p>“Are we still just friends? Or boyfriends or something you know…” His voice was going down as if he was telling a secret or saying something that made him felt guilty.</p><p>“First, Dante, we will always be friends. Second, I don’t know, maybe we can give it a shot.”</p><p>“Wait you mean?”</p><p>“Yes.” I really wanted Dante and I’d love to give it a try.</p><p>“YES!” I hadn’t seen Dante so happy for months, as if the smile on his face was meant to be the first thing I’d fight for. He sang again along the road to his house. I had never heard Dante singing before. It was unexpectedly impressive; his voice was so gentle and mellow.</p><p>After a 20-minute drive, we arrived at his house. Mr. and Mrs.Quintana were waiting on the porch. They were talking and laughing.</p><p>“What are you going to do next?” He asked me before he got off the truck.</p><p>“I need go to work by 9.”</p><p>“The shitty job again?”</p><p>That job was always in a mess, a lot of junk food, a lot of bills, a lot of stupid customers complained, and a few tips that you could get. What’s more, I got a boss who was mean and lazy. “I hire you to work here, not to chat and loaf on the job.” That he always said. But during the summer holiday, I didn’t have many places left to go. Besides, it was a good thing for me that I could earn my own money and spent it at my own will.</p><p>“Hey, I kinda like that job, okay?” I said. “And I needed that job.”</p><p>“You can come and work with me, you can earn more money than you do now.” He replied.</p><p>“Tell me about it, you drug dealer.” He was work at the drugstore.</p><p>“Nice one.” I like the grin showing on Dante’s face.</p><p>“Okay, I will see you around.” I said reluctantly.</p><p>“Okay, promise you will call me.”</p><p>“I promise.”</p><p>I greeted to Mr. Quintana and Mrs. Quintana then I left.</p><p>When I got the Charcoaler I made a phone call to my mom telling her everything was okay. There were few customers today. The weather was too hot for people to walk outside. Those people who walked by with their smiles, probably had lost their minds because of the heat. The air condition in the Charcoaler was broken down because of overloading so I got early off from work that day. When I got in the pickup after work, I felt like I was a turkey in the Thanksgiving Day which was put into an oven with 200℃. It almost burnt my nuts out. My miserable life had changed, but the lame sun was miserable as it had always been. Sun of bitch.</p><p> After I got home and took a shower, then changed clean clothes, my mom walked into my room which rarely happened before.</p><p>“How was your last night?” She asked.</p><p>“Great, I mean the desert was cool and comfortable.” I tried to be cool in front of mom, in case she asked me and Dante.</p><p>“What did you do, then?”</p><p>“Nothing particular.” If there was something really happened, I wouldn’t tell either.</p><p>“Okay, you have right not to tell me, you are almost 17 after all, just know you and Dante, you should know how to protect yourselves, just promise me that you will be careful when something naturally happens.” My mom even used body language as if I didn’t know what was her talking about.</p><p>“MOM!”</p><p>“OK, how was Dante?”</p><p>“He’s pretty fine, and please could you leave me for a moment?”</p><p>“Fine, here’s a letter for you, it came this early morning, just calm down, OK?” She closed the door as she walked out. I noticed the letter was printed a mass of toponymy and postcodes that I looked familiar. Then I saw the bold word at the bottom of the page----Prison.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Three</p><p>Dear Aristotle,</p><p>I have received your letters. I’ve been thinking about writing to you, but every time when I tried to do that, my hands would become stupid and my mind went blank. I was afraid to face you even it’s in letters. You must be the last one in our family knew what I have done. I’m sorry we needed to keep it away from you. You were so innocent and happy all the time. Everything was changed after that. Mom told me that you had become another person that she didn’t recognize, which were all my faults. You may too young to remember things, but I remember it and I’ll regret doing that in the rest of my life.</p><p>I wasn’t ready to write this letter until mom said in a letter that you had a horrible car accident and you had a bad situation about accepting your own life. I was shocked and devastated when she said you had broken your legs and your left arm. Wait, so that’s why you have a dog named Legs? Whatever, I’m glad to hear that you are doing well now. And it’s hilarious that you said hospital was another white prison in your letters. That was a tough time, wasn’t it? I feel so sorry that I couldn’t stand beside you; I’m so fucking hate myself, I was supposed to support you, help you, and laugh at you when you climbed into your old pickup with your dummy walking sticks. But those were not going to happen. Ari, do you know I was the first person who called you this name? You didn’t like to be called Aristotle so I called you Ari, and it turns out that you liked this name.</p><p>I haven’t seen you for years, and I want to know what you look like. You must be really handsome because you looked like me and you were really cute. I hope you don’t look like dad because that’s not a good thing.</p><p>Besides, yes, Dante (what a funny name, just like yours), who has become your best friend that you have never had before. You are better than me at making friends. I was all alone and unfriendly in my childhood until you came around. I don’t know how’s the feeling when you have a friend who is so important that you could sacrifice your own life to save. Guess he is more than amazing and you are more than friends. It feels like he is your real brother alive, but I’m still happy for you that you have found a friend as a brother which was rare in our family.</p><p>Please be assured that I’m alright here, I have been used to be lonely and boring here long time ago. Mom must tell you that dad almost gave me up after I refused his visiting request. But here’s the thing, next month is my visiting month. I don’t know, it’s thoroughly stupid, but I want you come to visit me, I want to see you. And it would be better if you bring Dante together. You deserve the truth and the whole story. Of course it’s up to you. It’s okay with me if you don’t want to see me again or write back. Just know I will always be the brother who’s gonna love you forever.</p><p>
  <em>Siempre te amaré.</em>
</p><p>Love,</p><p>                                                               Bernardo</p><p> </p><p>If I had to say I had learned something from this letter was A. Bernardo wants me to visit him in the prison, B. A part of my life is still someone else idea, C. It seems that I have something to do with the murder. <em>W</em><em>hat mean</em><em>s</em><em> that thing had changed me? Why I don</em><em>’</em><em>t remember it?</em> But whatever, there was my brother, the one who held my hand, who had been showing up in my nightmares. With his letters in my hands, happiness and fear exploded in my mind at the same time. <em>Should I write it back? I think I should. But how? Tell him I never blamed him for what he has done and I want to visit him?</em> He also wanted to see Dante. But I wasn’t sure. I wasn't afraid, I just didn't know as if there was something holding me back.</p><p>I threw the letter on my bed and I lay on it. Trying to make myself to stop thinking about how contradictory it would be that I want to visit Bernardo but having no dare to admit my feelings about Dante.</p><p>“Fuck that.” I uttered. I went down to find my mother to ask her something about my brother. When I found her, she was playing with Legs in the backyard. She noticed me when I was staring at them.</p><p>“Is everything alright?” She asked.</p><p>“Yeah, totally.” Every time I tried to ask, there was something holding me back. I can’t ruin my mom’s good moods with this “brother thing”. I told myself.</p><p>“You seem to have some questions to ask.” That’s all she said.</p><p>“Where is dad?” I couldn’t come up with anything else to ask.</p><p>“He’s working as usual and I’m glad that you asked. That isn’t the question you’d ask me before.” I saw the grin emerging on her face. My father was a tough and stubborn man who didn’t talk much. But mom wouldn't stop talking about him. He may can never get over the dreadful war which remained him a psychic trauma and some bad dreams. But the love around him was helping him to rebuild himself piece by piece.</p><p>“Can I go to visit Bernardo, mom?” I asked.</p><p>I saw the smile on my mother’s face gradually freezing with her unique frown. She was thoroughly shocked and I could see she was in a panic.</p><p>“Sweetheart, I’m surprised, are you sure?”</p><p>“Yeah, I mean maybe, I don’t know, Bernardo he wants to see me.”</p><p>“Ari, I know, but I’m afraid that you will be disappointed when you…”</p><p>“I won’t, he’s my brother, and I want to see him too.” I interrupted her.</p><p>“I see, but I need to talk with your father first, it’s that OK?” She said it with her expression of helplessness.</p><p>“Whatever,” I knew I had to give a concession. “I guess.” I had no choice but to give her a smile in desperation.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Four</p><p>My parents had kind of put Bernardo on the side for these two days. They ignored me and avoided talking about Bernardo. Everything was back to those days when his name was a taboo and everyone didn’t want to hear that name. I hated my parents walking away when I was trying to ask anything about Bernardo. “Brother” is an unmentionable word now, I thought.</p><p>The atmosphere in our family made me feel suffocating. I wanted to call Dante since I hadn’t connected with him for two days, he must be really angry. But he didn’t call me neither, maybe we both felt a little bit nervous about our relationships. It was harder than we thought to become boyfriends from best friends was still a bit awkward between us. But Gina came by this morning, asked me if I wanted to go for a movie tonight. In view of the current situation in our family I said yes. And I thought it might be a good chance to take Dante for our first date, well, the second.</p><p>Gina said she would also bring some friends so I thought they may not feel strange if I bring Dante there. She said it would be a horror movie put on tonight. I didn’t know why Gina wanted to see horror films but in this way I can choose two covert seats so that Dante could hold my hands.</p><p>He said yes immediately when I called him. But I didn’t tell him what movie we were going to watch. Just to keep suspense. It still had 6 hours to the time when we need to set off. I didn’t have to work that day. So I just did some weights in our basement and walked Legs for the second time that day. We passed Dante’s house, but I didn’t go to knock the door. It was good that everything could stay the way it had been.</p><p>After I came back my home, I threw myself into my bedroom and turned the radio on. I picked up a book which I hadn’t read before. Those books that I had got were all basically as gifts. I got most of them from Dante and my parents. But this book wasn’t a present. I borrowed it from our town library. Well, I stole it from the library. The progress was so complex to apply a library card, and I wasn’t good at paper work. Sure I know I can read books in the library, but I knew it would drive me crazy if making me stay in the library all day along. Besides, this book was too ropey for people to read it, trust me, no one would actually notice a book that was placed in the bottom row of the third column of the fifth block, which was covered by a layer of dust. What can I say, I got such vision. And I will give it back after I finished it. So, technically, it was borrowed. It was a poetry collection written by Rimbaud. Maybe Dante will love it, I thought. I opened it without a specific intention. There was a poetry called “The drunken boat.”</p><p>As I was floating down unconcerned Rivers <br/>I no longer felt myself steered by the haulers: <br/>Gaudy Redskins had taken them for targets <br/>Nailing them naked to coloured stakes.</p><p>That made me think of the river had been showing up in my dreams. I felt it which wasn’t a relaxed emotion. I felt chaotic and out of control.</p><p>I can no more, bathed in your languor, O waves, <br/>Sail in the wake of the carriers of cottons, <br/>Nor undergo the pride of the flags and pennants, <br/>Nor pull past the horrible eyes of the hulks.</p><p>That was beautiful to say, as amazing and marvelous as poem it may seem. Can’t believe he wrote this poem when he was at my age. Reading was like dreaming. I fell asleep, and then I woke up and continued reading till I fell into a deeper dream again.</p><p>When I opened my eyes again, the scenery delivered which looked so familiar and real in front of my eyes. It was the same billowy river and the same shore on the other side. Suddenly, Dante’s voice burst into my ears. He was in the middle of the river, on a boat which seemed drunk and almost sunk by the creepy waves. I saw Bernardo standing on the other side smiling. For some reasons unknown I couldn’t move. I was shouting to Bernardo asking him to save Dante, but he was just seeing right there without a move. All of a sudden, everything shifted in dark, only Dante’s voice echoed across my head calling my name. I felt Dante was gradually fading away from me.</p><p>Mom woke me up and I found myself was sweating.</p><p>“Are you OK? Ari, you were yelling, it was another bad dream?”</p><p>I nodded. “I’m fine. What time is it now?”</p><p>“About 6. Are you sure?”</p><p>“Shit!” I said in my mouth because I had promised not to curse when she’s around.</p><p>“Yeah, I need to pick up Dante for a movie tonight.”</p><p>“I know, don’t worry about that, Dante’s here.” As my mom said, Dante walked inside the room.</p><p>“Okay, I will let you talk.” Then she left.</p><p>“Hey.” I said.</p><p>“Hey, are you OK? I heard you yelling.” He smiled like an angel.</p><p>“Oh, sorry about that.” Hope he didn’t hear anything strange.</p><p>“Don’t be. I’m kind of happy cause you were calling my name.” He grinned like a child.</p><p>“So here you are.”</p><p>“So here I am. And I missed you.”</p><p>“So did I.” I was trying to approach him; thought he may give a kiss. Instead, I got a punch on my arm.</p><p>“Then why you didn’t call me? You little bastard.”</p><p>“It was just two days, come on, dude, it hurts.” I complained.</p><p>I just finished speaking. Dante leaned his lips on mine, and touched my nose by his.</p><p>“How about this?” He asked.</p><p>I reached my head to search for another kiss. But he just took a step back.</p><p>“It’s time to go, or we will be late.” I saw a little slyness in his brown eyes.</p><p>As we came down the stairs, my mom said.</p><p>“Come back by 10, you know the rules.”</p><p>I made a face meaning I’m not sure about that. Dante pulled me aside and said.</p><p>“We promise Ari will come back by 10, am I right, Ari?” He nudged me with his elbow. He was blinking to me.</p><p>“Yeah, definitely.” I tried to make my words more persuasive and I reached the handle to open the door because I was resisting laughing but couldn’t help it. So I made it quickly and left with Dante.</p><p>When we were heading to the theater he asked abruptly.</p><p>“I saw the book on your desk, do you like Rimbaud?”</p><p>“I don’t know, I mean he was gifted, but all of his poems were full of sadness or insanity. It feels like he's the kind of person who walks on the blade of peace and madness.” That was how I felt, those words made you feel madness but after that, sometimes you could feel the peace that you had never tasted before.</p><p>Dante nodded and turned on the radio which was playing “Take on me” from A-Ha.</p><p>“He had a lover named Verlaine” He said.</p><p>“Who?”</p><p>“Rimbaud.”</p><p>“So Verlaine was a man’s name?”</p><p>“Yes, but I don’t like Rimbaud, he was unconstrained of his ability. I yearn for the kind of life the style when he was young, but he totally wasted his gift, and he had never written anything since he was 23. And he became a mercenary, pedantic man that he had spurned during his youth.”</p><p>“What are you talking about?” I got a little bit confused.</p><p>“Nothing.” We stopped talking all rode along.</p><p>I don’t know, maybe it’s a bad idea to take Dante to the cinema and meet my normal friends. They may already know Dante is gay. What if they ask? What am I supposed to do? I never forgot the rules between me and Dante. One of them is I can’t deny Dante is my friend. Dante would be angry if I lied about the relationships between us. I hated those things of myself, felt like I was a coward.</p><p>Before we got to the theater I pulled over my pickup. He turned to me.</p><p>“Turn to me.” He said.</p><p>So I did.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>He kissed me before I finished the sentence. That was such a quick kiss that Dante had got off the car before I realized the kiss had gone. We put my pickup in a parking lot because there was no parking space around the cinema. And it wasn’t too far to walk there.</p><p>When we reached the theater, I saw Gina and Susie and a guy were waiting for us. The guy had shiny brawn hair and a pair of black eyes. He wasn’t very tall or strong, but you could tell he was the oldest among us. Gina was holding his arm, wearing a shining dress; it was obvious that Gina had a boyfriend. What made me feel frustrated was that they could have such intimate moments, but we cannot. Even holding hands in front a street of people would be a challenge for both of us. For me, at least.</p><p>Gina was surprised that I brought Dante there. I asked her if Dante could join us. She said it’s fine and she’s happy for seeing Dante. But there were only four seats left in the cinema that we were going to watch. Dante said it’s okay just four of us to watch the horror movie, besides, he hated horror movie. Gina thought it was the best way; she wanted me to accompany with them. But I insisted staying with Dante because I had brought him there and I kind of knew what Gina was planning. She wanted a double date. Bringing Dante there was a good choice, I thought. They went inside finally, I could feel Gina was upset, what confused me was Susie seemed upset too.</p><p>“You’re a good person, Ari, but I guess your super power is letting people down.” Gina said as they went in. Even in a shining dress she was still so "Gina".</p><p>So I asked Dante if there was anywhere he wanted to go. He didn’t say anything at first. Just look at me with his thank-you-for-not-letting-me-down smile. About one minute later, he told me that since we were already here then maybe we’d better to have a movie together. I got puzzled.</p><p>“Yes, there will be some movies playing at the same time.” That made me speechless; clearly, I wrote my feelings on my face.</p><p>“I know, I was just wondering if you still want a movie.”</p><p>“Of course I want, especially with you.”</p><p>I grabbed his waist to pull him closer.</p><p>“Are you going to kiss me on the crowded street?” He asked.</p><p>“No,” I whispered. “You wish.”</p><p>I gave him a quick peck on the face. Tell him to get two tickets. He chose a movie that I had never heard before. When he told me he wanted to see romance I knew that nothing good was going to happen.</p><p>“What if it’s boring?”</p><p>“Then we will leave.”</p><p>“Fair enough.” I shrugged.</p><p>When we entered the theater I bought a bucket of popcorn. And Dante gave me a strange look; as if I was doing something incongruous (I learned this word from the dictionary in my room that night).</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“You don’t really have to buy a family size, you know, people don’t eat popcorn for dinner.” Dante said.</p><p>“Well, I’m not just anyone else, I’m Aristotle Mendoza.”</p><p>“I bet you are.” He smirked. Then, he grabbed a big hand of popcorn from my hands before he entered the video hall.</p><p>“Hey, that’s mine.” I complained.</p><p>“And you’re mine.” He quipped back.</p><p>Before we came into the hall, the movie had begun. But I didn’t pay much attention to it, instead, I was thinking the actors are really good-looking, I mean maybe that’s why some movies can be attractive. But to be honest, I thought the story was so boring that I almost fell asleep in the theater. I found Dante was watching it intently so I told him I felt a little bit sick and I needed some fresh air. I didn’t even know he had heard from me. When I came out from the gate, I saw the guy coming with Gina was sitting on the stairs smoking. I walked over to him to say hi. He greeted me back and he told me his name was Jack. He was keeping complaining to me the horror movie was an absolute disaster. Blood and screams were all over the place, and more importantly, it wasn’t scary at all! So he came out for a cigarette. I asked him if he was Gina’s boyfriend. He admitted, but I regretted asking that question in the next second. He asked me if Dante was my boyfriend, I was so shocked that my brain totally went a blank. I gave him a strange look. I didn’t know what to say next. Later he said he was just kidding, he had heard my “romance” with Illeana and Dante’s being attacked. I knew it was Gina, that gossip bitch.</p><p>“You have that courage, man.” He said and he patted on my shoulder. I sworn if he had said anything insulting about Dante, I sworn I would beat him to the teeth and made him apologize.</p><p>“Thanks.” I said. “See you around.” Then I went back to the screens to find Dante.</p><p>When I came back to the seat, Dante was too focused in the movie to notice me had gone and come back to the seat. You could see his eyes were shinning as the night stars, which was hard to find a word to describe their beauty, which was beyond compare.<br/>When Maurice and Alec kissed by the fire cave in the lake house, the story went end. Clive will hide behind the window in the rest of his life and stare at the endless lonely night forever. Maurice has found his true love, though he has no idea what is waiting for them, but at least they are happy at this moment.</p><p>Gina and Jack were going to leave when we walked out the building. I asked where Susie was, Gina said she had left midway through the movie. And Gina was showing off how fantastic the movie was and she couldn’t stand it if without Jack. Jack just shrugged his shoulder and made a face quickly to me.</p><p>“Look, Ari,” Gina said. “You may never know if we don’t tell you that she’s into you.”</p><p>“Who?”</p><p>“Susie.” She said. No kidding.</p><p>“But she has a boyfriend.” Though I had never met him before.</p><p>“Had. And she always likes you, poor Susie.” She corrected me.</p><p>“So that’s why you asked me to come for a movie tonight which was actually a double date?” That really pissed me off, I hated being played by other people, especially someone I knew.</p><p>“No, I mean yes, but I didn’t know she likes you until she wanted me to ask you to go for the movie tonight.”</p><p>“You should tell me that, I have right to know.” I was doing my best to control my rages.</p><p>“Well, you know now, and what’s the point for letting you know first? Would you come alone?”</p><p>“Then I wouldn’t come.” Dante knew I was angry, so he put his hand on my shoulder to help me calming down.</p><p>“Don’t act like a jerk, Ari, I was doing it for you, too. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with your so-called ‘boyfriend’?” She paused a second when she said the word “boyfriend”.</p><p>I knew she was about to start her long speech, so before she gave it a mouth and punched by me which would end up into a big fight, I pulled Dante and left.</p><p>When I was driving him to his house, the sky above the rode was dark-blue and cloudless. But the remote mountain was covered by darkness. As if there was a brush outlined an arc in the sky. The rode forward appeared pale under the car’s light. I was hoping it won’t be a squirrel or a possum coming across the road. I didn’t want my bumper or my fender dyed blood red as if I had killed someone. Speaking killing, I almost killed by the silence in the car. Dante didn’t even give a cough or a word until we reached his house. He didn’t intent to get off the car. He was weeping and wrapping his face with his hands. I reached my hand through his black hair just like Maurice did it to Clive. I petted him and buried him into my arms. I could feel his warm wet breath on my chest. I knew what he was thinking about, he was afraid of I becoming Clive, and he didn’t want to hide us from everyone else.</p><p>I rolled down the window and stopped him when he just got off the car. He was surprised that I hadn't driven away. Its faint light was reflect from that window of his family to make his blackened hair bright as gold. He slowly approached my pickup truck, subconsciously wiping his own forehead.</p><p>“What’s up?” He asked.</p><p>“Do you still want to go to the park opposite?” I asked lightly.</p><p>“But I thought it has already closed before 8 pm.” He was right.</p><p>“I know.” I pretended to be a triumphant, Dante must know what I was talking about. I grew up here and the park was as dear to me as my childhood playmates. It also means that I knew everything of it all, where it is higher or lower, where broke a hole which just fit a man to get through.</p><p>“You mean you have a ruse to get in the park?”</p><p>“Yup.”</p><p>“Do I really know you? Aristotle Mendoza.” He was joking.</p><p>“A part of me, yes.” I said it as I got off the pickup and headed to the park.</p><p>“We will see.” He caught me up and followed me to walk toward the mysterious darkness</p><p> </p><p>I glanced at the watch that I got it from my father lately, it was already 10:30 before I open the door. My parents may have fallen asleep because they had a ceremony needed to attend in the next morning. My mother was always crazy about these activities as if that’s all entertainments which she could enjoy. But when I entered the house, I found my parents were sitting in the couch waiting for me.</p><p>“You are late, Ari, you made a promise.” I had never seen my mother so gravely before.</p><p>“Yeah, I know, I’m sorry, I needed send Dante home first.” That's true.</p><p>I hoped they won’t ask me what took me so long to send Dante home. It’s better not let them know we jumped the fences and bushes to break into the park. The result of trespassing was when we were making out and a patrol in that park found us, and he ran after us for a half of the park. Fortunately, he never saw our faces and we ran away.</p><p>“We will talk about it later, I had talked with your dad, and we have something to tell you.” She gave dad an uneasy look.</p><p>“What’s that?” I asked.</p><p>They didn’t allow me to visit Bernardo. I understand, really I do. But why?</p><p>“You were there, Ari, you were there.” Finally he said, after a period of silence that seemed beyond the centuries.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Five</p><p>What the FUCK?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Six</p><p>These are the reminiscences from my mother about me and my brother Bernardo.</p><p>My family wasn’t perfect or full of happiness. But with my birth, my family had never been so complete before or since. My mom felt so happy that she couldn’t ask for more in this world. I gave my family a chance to begin a new start.(Well, thank me?) Even my dad was trying to go to work for the first time since he came from the war. (So that's why my name is Angel? Yeah, my first name is Angel. Think about that, me, Aristotle, an angel.) Although my sisters were going to a full-time girls’ school, my mother was satisfied that she still had me and Bernardo around her. I was adorable and clever as Bernardo said, more important, I was really outgoing. (I have never thought this word could be described by me.) Bernardo do have a bad tamper even when he was a teenager, but he was always being kind and patient to me. Though he always made a big fuss because of some frivolous things, she never thought of him as that person who would kill, and she still thought so.</p><p>It was a sunny beautiful day, (I know people always use this phrase as a beginning of a sad story. But that was true, and so was the sad story.) My mother just hung the clothes out of the yard, and she was going to force my dad and me to go to the church. But she couldn’t find me anywhere. She searched everywhere she could think of. Even under the bed, in the closet. (Maybe you should've checked out the closet more carefully) Nowhere was me. I just disappeared. (That was exact what I'm thinking right now.) Bernardo was out too. He said he was going to meet some friends, so my mother thought maybe Bernardo have taken me out. Unfortunately, she was only partially right.</p><p>She received a phone call from police station when the dusk showed up to the sky. We were in the vigilant. You can guess the rest of the story. The police told my mom Bernardo killed someone by bare fists. I and a homeless man witnessed the murder, the man just saw the body and I saw the whole course. (Ouch.) Bernardo didn’t run away, maybe because of me, he stayed where he was until the police came. He just admitted he killed the “Motherfucker” but he was reticent about those details. No one knew how I got there, or what the person said or did made Bernardo so angry that he had to killed him (or her). I remembered now, but as Bernardo said, I was too young to remember the whole thing. My mom said I became silent and fractious since then. It is said to be brutally cruel and unbearably disgusting. The police even couldn’t identify who he was by his face.</p><p>Things hadn’t gone end, I had a really serious melancholia after that, and at the same time, Bernardo killed another person for no reason. So my parents must deal with these things at the same time. Aunt Ophelia was a kind woman, but also a good psychologist. She didn’t consider it or have any hesitation, but said yes immediately. Although she had never seen me before, but she treated me as her real son. I lived with them for six month, aunt Ophelia and Fanny. I remember sometimes I couldn’t tell them apart at first because they had so many things in common, they were women, both loving, able and gay.</p><p> </p><p>So that’s why my parents didn’t want me to visit Bernardo. It took me so long to recover from the trauma. They were worried the memories would pull me into the sorrow again. Actually it didn’t scare me at all, instead, I wanted to know what happened to me, to Bernardo. I was longing for what had made me who I was. I always felt I had lost something which once belonged to me. Now Dante had filled the loss in my heart, and it was time to draw the paint on the blank in my memories. Maybe it was time to be brave and uncover the scars of the truth.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Seven</p><p>I woke up in a misty forest this time, where everything was covered by a thick white mist. The front of me was a serpentine path which extended beyond the depth of the forest. How many more times will this happen, I thought. The road was like the pale tongue spit out from hell, and like the tight diameter go to the end of the universe. There was no chirping in the forest, nor was the sound of the leaves blown by the wind. It was all engulfed by an endless silence.</p><p>Involuntarily I began to move my feet forward. While not encountering the fork opening, it still gave me the illusion of getting lost in the maze like a loop. It was felt so real that I can even feel the fog breathed in my lung as if there were countless sands and gravels rubbing in it. I bet it was worse than my first smoke.</p><p>I didn't know how many times I'd rotated, or how many steps I'd gone. I finally saw the narrow path ahead slowly open, the front was a small town. The familiar roads, the familiar church, the familiar swimming pool, the familiar park, and Dante's home.</p><p>Unlike in my mind, the house was so dilapidated, with vines crawling over the wooden walls, and the Windows were covered only with bits of broken glass, and the door was ajar under the sway of the wind. I was slowly stepping into this house of memories, and it seemed that no one had been here for years, in conclusion, it had been mercilessly abandoned in the absence of the Quintanas. Mr. Quintana's special sofa was covered with dust. His office was covered with scraps of paper and unfinished manuscripts. Books were scattered on the floor everywhere as if they had never belonged to anyone. I went up stairs to Dante's room. In the entire house, this is the only well-preserved room, neatly inside I can't believe this incredibly still Dante's room. Unlike the first time I came to their house, I saw him in a room as messy as if it had gone through a war. But this time the walls were decorated with pictures, and they were all the same. It was a man, no, it was a boy who was lying in the bed holding a book with a big smile on his face. It was me! It was the nonexistent painting Dante sketched me when I was reading poetries. I thought he didn’t draw me because I had seen his sketchbook on my porch.</p><p>When I turned around I found Dante was standing beside the window to turn his back to me. He looked exactly like the first day when we met as if he had never grown up or changed haircut. I wanted to hold him from behind. But it seemed that every step I moved to close to him, every time he became more far away from me. When I thought I could hold him so close, I heard him said something in his breath and he just disappeared.</p><p>Then I woke back to the reality, I wouldn’t say it was a nightmare, but I thought maybe it was a metaphor. Maybe I need Dante more than I thought.</p><p> </p><p>When I went down stairs to the living room in the early morning, even Legs was sleeping still. So I changed my clothes and went out for jugging. I had seldom seen the scene of El Paso in the morning before. Everything was peaceful as usual, just without the scalding sun hanging in the sky. I enjoyed the morning when none was around. I felt infinite as I passed by the empty streets. As if the whole was still in its dreams, and I was the only one awake and sober. I also liked the aloneness of being alone. Without Legs, without my parents, without Bernardo, without Dante, just me in the streets all alone.</p><p> </p><p>I came back home and took a shower, the days when you didn’t have to work were really boring. May be my boss was in debt who may have lost all his money in the casino or buying drugs, I didn’t know, just feel he was the kind of person. I hoped he hadn’t run away from El Paso to escape debt, in this way I would lose my job and I would have nothing to do in the rest of this summer holiday, which would be sucks.</p><p>Before I put my clothes on, I stared at my body in the mirror. I was glad that my biceps and my abs were still there. I had grown a lot in the last whole year. Not only the height, the weight, or the hair on my body, but also that place, it looked differently from the past. I wanted to touch myself, this wasn't like the first time, and it was more intense, like my self-control didn't even exist. I knew people called it masturbation, but somehow I didn’t like that word, it just made me feel disgusted. I had never known what it was like to have something that made me feel uncertain and attractive at the same time before except Dante. I moved my hands slowly down there, I felt a feeling of electric shock that I had left over from my body, I could even hear my heartbeat, and the stimulus was accompanied by a veil of shame in my mind. I didn’t know if I was unfledged, but the feeling of fluster made me feel I had been precocious. I was fumbling with the proper way to make myself comfortable. I could hear I was panting and moaning. Suddenly in a flash I thought I was going to pee, but it was more urgent, what surprised me that I actually know how to do it by the hand of my consciousness. I was in torpor when it came, for the first time I saw it but not being odd. My hands were hovering in the air, didn’t know what to do. I was not moving until my mom called me out for breakfast, so I just washed my hands and covered up my “crime scene”.</p><p> </p><p>The breakfast was ready so I moved my position to the dining-table. I have to say, I had never seen such a rich breakfast, not only of my favorite eggs and bacon, but also of burritos, vegetable salad and there was more fruit and juice than I can count. The food almost piled the table over. Our family was by no means wealthy at the time, and generally we only did that on the holidays of the year, and it was just a damn breakfast. Although my mother wouldn’t say that she was sorry for what happened last night, it was clear that her actions had exposed that she felt sorry.</p><p>“Any drinks?” She asked.</p><p>“Where are these come from? It's too much even for a day.”</p><p>“I don’t know, maybe I think I should refine on my cooking from time to time.” She muttered.</p><p>“Okay, good for you.” Why would I want to ruin this moment. “I want orange juice, please.”</p><p>“Good choice. We are almost running out of other drinks, do you want to go to the mall with me today?”</p><p>“When?”</p><p>“How about after breakfast? I don’t like shopping with a bunch of people.” She said.</p><p>“Sorry mom, forget it, I just realized that I need to finish the book which I’m reading.” I looked at my mother’s face to make sure there was not any strange look appearing.</p><p>“By the way, mom, have you checked out the mailbox?” I asked.</p><p>“Not yet, you can check it out if you want.”</p><p>“Sure.” I swallowed the last mouthful of bread with orange juice reluctantly and went out to check the box. Our mailbox was said to have been set here since decades ago. If you‘re careless then you probably won’t find out sometimes there is always a letter under your eyes, but you just can’t find it. I put my hand into the mailbox in case there wasn’t anything I had missed. Then I felt a letter, a small letter that was hard to see it by eyes. And it was not surprising, another letter from Bernardo.</p><p> </p><p>“Any news?” She asked as I came in.</p><p>“Nope.” I don’t know why I would say that. I think I just didn’t want to see she worried. Maybe a part of me still wanted to know the truth, I wanted to know what made me become who I was. So I put the letter in my pocket, and I put my hand between them in case my mother could see the letter through the pocket.</p><p>I made short shift of her questions about what I’m gonna do today. Then I returned my room and closed the door behind me. I don’t know how long I had stared at the letter. There was always something holding me back. The contradictories about Bernardo clogged in my heart smothering me. I had no dare to open the letter. I went to sleep instead, because of the lack of sleep last night.</p><p> </p><p>The phone bells alarmed me up. I had to go down to pick up the phone. But the exasperation was gone when I heard it was Dante.</p><p>“How are you doing?” He sounded worriedly.</p><p>“Yeah, I’m fine, why.”</p><p>“Because you were almost caught for covering me and I bet you must be late last night.”</p><p>“You are right, maybe not that okay right now.” I was thinking of the letter, why I couldn’t forget it. “How are you, by the way?”</p><p>“You mean the patrol finally came to my house asked my parents if they had seen two teenager run over the community?” He was trying to make this story more dramatic.</p><p>“Is everything okay?” I asked.</p><p>“Yeah, my dad had lied for us, but if this kind of thing ever happening again, I’m sure I’ll be grounded for the first time in my life.”</p><p>“You have never been grounded before?!”</p><p>“Yeah, you can say that.” He sounded like he was showing off.</p><p>“Seriously?”</p><p>“Are you jealous? I thought maybe I can’t see Ari being jealous in my life ever.”</p><p>“That's so unfair.”</p><p>“Now tell me what makes you upset.” He paused for a second and said.</p><p>So I told him everything about Bernardo and there were more details of the story, I also told him I was there and I wanted to know what had happened that made me became me. Dante knew my parents’ attitude to Bernardo, so he didn’t ask how was my parents’ reaction. But I was sure he had already guessed it.</p><p>“Will you be free tomorrow morning?” He asked.</p><p>“Work first.”</p><p>“You really need to quit that job.”</p><p>“What the, why?” I blurted. Then I realized that maybe I was overreacted. So I told him I would manage that with my colleagues, they will always be there for me, maybe a little bit money would be better.</p><p>“I’ll be the drug store at 9:00 am, is that okay?”</p><p>“All right, see you tomorrow.”</p><p>“See you!”</p><p>I hung up the phone and went up to my room. I picked up the letter that I had left it on the floor, the letter felt more trick and heavier than last one. I opened it and I saw photo fallout from the letter which was exactly like the one my mom has given me. It was the picture of all family members including Bernardo, my brother.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Eight</p><p>Dear Ari,</p><p>Sorry about the letter that I asked you to visit me. I was so stupid that I should know that mom and dad would reject that. I didn’t mean to break the relationship between you and our parents, maybe they are just your parents now. I shall be released by appealing again in the next month. Mom and dad are supposed to know that. But they may not trust me ever again after so many lies and hurts. I know that is not a good idea to let you know the whole thing. But as I said, you may the only and the very person who is qualified and deserve the truth. May be you think it’s too age long for you to care about it, maybe you don’t want to know what happened, maybe these letters have never been send into your hands. I don’t know, maybe after all these years, I felt redeemable when I finally know that there is still someone except mom cares about me, and it’s you, Ari, it’s always you. So many years I was always longing for connecting with you. But I couldn’t, I knew I couldn’t let myself bother you anymore until you wrote to me, until you started getting better. And that’s why I want to talk to you in person. I want to see you, see you safe and sound, and then I’ll tell you everything what had happened that day, I’ll tell you how much I love you and it wasn’t your fault. All you have to do is coming to visit me, I know it’s really hard to do, especially for you. But you are not anyone else, you are Aristotle, the only Aristotle. You don’t like rules or plans, you just do it. That’s how it works, that’s how you live your own life out of the cage, that’s how you make those ideas belong to yourself. I believe in you, because you are strong and selfless. You know how to trust the truth that you need to know, and you will learn the complete you from the conversation.</p><p>You know, Ari. Every single day I see those scenes flash in my mind, good memories and bad memories. None of them can make me feel happy but miserable. I tried to escape from them, but I failed. We all need to face the tragic in our own life, so do you, Ari. It’s time to know yourself and move forward. So please keep the picture for me, that’s all I have in this prison. I need that picture and I need you. I wish you could be the person who returns it back.</p><p>                                                              Love,</p><p>Bernardo</p><p> </p><p>Dear Bernardo,</p><p>Thanks for your letters. I wasn’t expecting that you can write back. I mean I’m very happy to hear from you. After all these years, there wasn’t a single day I didn’t miss you. But after I received the first letter, things are little different than I thought. Dad and mom have told me something they know. They are just trying to protect me, not from you, it’s from the thing that hit me so bad. I’m not sure that I’m ready to find out and accept myself from the past. Now my life is getting better, I can’t ask for more because I’d never be more insatiable for what I already have right now. Sure my life would be better if you were here. So I guess I will go to ask mom and dad the thing about that you can be released. Look, I love you too. But you need to give me some time. I know there are not many days left during my summer holiday. So please be patient, I’ll see you there or here eventually.</p><p>                                                             Yours,</p><p>                                                             Ari</p><p> </p><p> </p>
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